Personality

Building on our exploration of intentionality from last week, where we focused on maintaining purposeful attention amidst distractions, today's discussion takes a more practical turn as we investigate the intricacies of personality.

Personality, a subject that has captivated psychologists and scientists alike, examines the enduring patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that make each of us incredibly unique. Through the complex interplay of genetics, environment, and lived experiences, personality psychology offers profound insights into how we navigate the world around us.

Today’s post will examine how the intricacies of our and others’ personalities can deepen our grasp of God’s characters, fostering self-awareness and encouraging readers to intentionally seek understanding of human behavior and relationships, whether with significant others, children, parents, colleagues, or friends. As we explore these dynamics, we will uncover how our innate tendencies shape our responses to life's challenges and opportunities, sometimes propelling us toward growth and other times posing obstacles.

So, let’s begin.

We notice varying degrees of personalities and uniqueness, even among siblings who share the same exact parents. As previously discussed, each of us is created exceptionally and wonderfully, reflecting divine craftsmanship, as highlighted in Psalm 139:14. However, this rarity and individuality is also grounded in our shared image of God, as noted in Genesis 1:27. Thus, we are gifted with His personality, His character evident in each of us. This inherent goodness permeates every individual, adding to the richness of His boundless creation.

Sadly, the entry of sin into the world, fueled by temptations from the Enemy and humans being deceived by them, has distorted the good and perfect gifts given by God (Genesis 2-3; James 1:16-17). We previously examined this topic in the context of the opposing forces within us—the struggle between our broken, selfish nature and the prompting of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:16-26). This dichotomy is often glaringly apparent when we examine personalities.

Consider, for instance, the paradox of a natural leader who, while possessing the potential for great leadership qualities, lacks empathy and flexibility. Similarly, those inclined towards grace and peace may also tend to avoid conflict excessively. An individual deeply rooted in creativity and enjoyment of the present might struggle with order and sensible prioritization, while a go-getter might find their self-worth entangled with their successes. Furthermore, an inquisitive person may sometimes become reclusive, withdrawing into their thoughts and ideas rather than engaging with the world around them.

To make things even harder, we also contend with the complexity of hastily being judged by our differences, adding to the already challenging task of navigating our own internal issues. When individuals possess unique qualities and deviate from our expectations or act in ways unfamiliar to us, it's easy to succumb to judgment without fully understanding their motivations or circumstances.

So what if we intentionally approached both ourselves and others with awe and wonder? What if we acknowledged that each personality trait, inherently good and made in the image of God, is often accompanied by its shadow side—the influence of our sinful nature? Despite these flaws, each trait harbors immense potential for growth and contribution.

Self-awareness plays a crucial role in this journey of growth and sanctification. By becoming aware of our own personality traits, tendencies, and areas for improvement, we can actively participate in the process of personal and spiritual growth. Through self-reflection and introspection, we can identify patterns of behavior that align with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and those that stem from our sinful nature. This awareness empowers us to make intentional choices that lead to positive growth and transformation.

As we deepen our understanding of ourselves and others, God’s character in us and our sinful nature, we confront the paradoxical aspects of our personalities intentionally and purposefully. Leaders, for example, can learn to balance their strengths by nurturing empathy and teamwork. Similarly, those inclined towards grace and forgiveness can complement these qualities with truth and accountability, fostering deeper connections. Likewise, creative individuals prone to procrastination can approach prioritization with a joyful heart, while go-getters balance their pursuit of success with a focus on their identity in Christ rather than worldly accomplishments. Finally, the inquisitive can recognize the value of collaboration and the richness that comes from engaging others in their curiosity.

Furthermore, we are called to actively participate in the sanctification process of becoming more like Christ. This intentional practice of personal growth not only strengthens our relationship with God but also deepens our empathy and compassion for others. As we experience God's grace and forgiveness in our own lives, we are compelled to extend that same grace and compassion to those around us.

Now, turning inward, let's contemplate our own personality traits and those we love: What inherent goodness does each possess, and what shadows does it cast? How can we be more intentional about nurturing their potential for growth this week? This introspective journey is not merely about self-discovery but about aligning ourselves with the greatest commandment to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love others as ourselves. By recognizing both the light and the shadows within us, we can take intentional steps towards becoming better stewards of our gifts and fostering deeper connections with our Creator and His creations.

Licensed Christian counselors, such as myself at Sandra Lee Christian Counseling, can offer valuable assistance in navigating the complexities of self-awareness, personal growth, and spiritual development. May you progress on a transformative path towards becoming the person God created you to be—a vessel of His love, grace, truth, and light to the world.

www.sandraleecounseling.com

Intentionality

Last week, we explored the significance of intentional responses within our relationships, emphasizing the creation of a safe space for genuine connection and effective conflict resolution. Today, let's dive deeper into the broader concept of intentionality, a practice deeply rooted in both biblical teachings and evidence-based principles.

In today's culture, where the prevailing message urges us to prioritize individual desires and emotions, the idea of intentionality stands as counter-cultural. Society tells us to "find your truth," “do what makes you happy,” and indulge in instant gratification, often through the constant accessibility of resources like our phones. From emails and texts to social media, shopping, and streaming services, our devices offer a plethora of distractions, tempting us to seek immediate satisfaction rather than engage in intentional, meaningful activities aligned with our long-term goals and values.

However, this combination of prioritizing desires and seeking instant gratification can prove detrimental to our well-being. Society's relentless emphasis on the immediate fulfillment of desires often causes us to overlook the broader effects or consequences of our actions. This perpetuates unrealistic expectations, fostering the belief that everything should be immediate, perfect, and effortless. Consequently, when reality fails to meet these inflated hopes, it often leads to disappointment, frustration, anger, and a diminished sense of well-being and resilience. Notably, this trend aligns with a concerning decline in mental health observed in recent years, as studies consistently show an increase in anxiety, depression, violence, and other mental health issues.

It's essential to acknowledge that emotions themselves are not inherently negative; rather, they reflect the image of God Himself. Just as God experiences a range of emotions, so do we, as we are made in His likeness. Even Jesus, in His humanity, experienced emotions such as sadness, anger, and fear. These emotions serve a purpose in our lives: Sadness can point us to the devastating effects of evil and the broken world, anger can give us the courage to stand up against injustice and the Enemy, and fear can remind us of our need to rely on God's strength rather than our own.

While emotions themselves are inherently good, they require intentional management to align with God's principles. Emotions have the power to overwhelm us, hindering rational thinking—a phenomenon evident even in brain imaging studies during the fight-flight response. In this state, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational decision-making, becomes less active, while the amygdala, which governs emotions, becomes highly activated.

During the fight-flight response, our brain prioritizes immediate survival over rational decision-making. This means that when we're in a heightened emotional state, such as fear or anger, our ability to think critically and make reasoned choices is compromised. As a result, we may find ourselves reacting impulsively or irrationally, rather than making decisions based on careful consideration and reflection. Understanding this neurological process highlights the importance of managing our emotions intentionally to ensure that our decision-making skills remain clear and aligned with God's principles.

This includes guarding our hearts and minds against negativity, keeping our thoughts captive, and standing firm in faith amidst life's challenges. Contrary to the cultural norm of indulging in every emotion without restraint, biblical wisdom reminds us to test everything that seems good and to be transformed rather than conforming to worldly patterns (1 Thessalonians 5:21; Romans 12:2). Proverbs 4:23 advises us to guard our hearts above all else, for everything we do flows from it. Likewise, 1 Peter 5:8 warns us to be vigilant and sober-minded, for the Enemy seeks to devour us. And 1 Corinthians 16:13 encourages us to stand firm in our faith, to be courageous, and to be strong. In essence, managing our emotions intentionally and aligning them with God's will is essential for navigating life's challenges and living a life that honors Him.

To achieve this alignment, we must first take the time to identify and acknowledge 1) the events that trigger stress, 2) our interpretation of these stressors, and 3) our emotional and behavioral responses. We then evaluate whether our interpretation and reactions align with the Truth and God’s greater purpose. Notably, various therapeutic modalities emphasize the significance of intentional thought management in this process. Whether through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy, Mindfulness, Narrative Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy, or Trauma-Informed Therapy, the overarching principle remains consistent: Cultivating intentional thoughts and responses to promote emotional and behavioral health. It's important to recognize that our feelings and thoughts are not necessarily facts. By engaging in these therapeutic modalities, individuals can learn to challenge and reframe unhelpful thoughts, gaining greater control over their emotions and behaviors. This aligns closely with biblical teachings, which emphasize the caution against the fallibility of the heart if we are not intentional (Jeremiah 17:9).

In summary, intentionality, firmly rooted in scripture and evidence-based practices, offers a transformative path toward nurturing healthy relationships and enhancing mental well-being. By intentionally aligning our thoughts and actions with God's principles and the insights of evidence-based therapy, which go hand in hand, we empower ourselves to navigate life's complexities with grace, resilience, and purpose.

If you're seeking support on this journey of intentional living, Sandra Lee Christian Counseling is here to provide guidance and walk alongside you. Together, we can cultivate a life filled with meaningful connections, emotional health, and spiritual growth.

www.sandraleecounseling.com

Right Vs Wrong

[Disclaimer: This blogpost is intended for couples who frequently find themselves trapped in unproductive, unhealthy communication patterns and are eager to break the cycle. Before proceeding, I want to clarify that I did not write this with the intent to address or reference any form of *abusive behavior.]

I was right… So what went wrong?

Have you ever been in an argument with your significant other where you know you are unequivocally right? Even if you were to ask anyone you both know and mutually respect, including your pastor or God, it would be undeniable that you were right. But for some reason, the outcome of the argument didn’t end the way you had hoped for. You imagined that your significant other would admit their error and apologize. I mean you were pretty convincing when you laid out the facts in excruciating detail and gave your partner the timeline of how it all unfolded. Instead, you found yourself and your partner getting louder with tempers rising to match the crescendo of the moment. Or, you saw the back of your partner’s head as they walked away angry, deflated, and completely shutting down. Or just maybe you decided to deploy the silent treatment for the rest of the week to avoid dealing with your partner.

So what went wrong even though you were right?

Here is a hard nugget of truth: Being right is not always the right thing to do in relationships. You may ask, “So you mean I should allow the bad behavior to continue?” No, that’s not what I mean at all. What I mean is that many times, we get stuck on “being right'' and, as a result, we become more insensitive, harsh, judgmental, disconnected, and stubborn. In turn, our partners become defensive and less likely to listen to our attempts to “make things right.” Ironically, it usually invites contempt, anger, sadness, and even loneliness to take root in your relationship.

So, if you find yourself at an impasse, a deadlock, going in circles with your partner about the same argument of who was right or wrong, I strongly encourage you to make the first move. You ask why you first when you are the one that is right. Because that’s the right thing to do. See what I did there? 

In all seriousness, let’s take a moment and reflect on this passage:

Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

Matthew 22:37-40 (NIV)

I know that being in a relationship isn’t always easy, especially when you find yourself alone in an argument armed with facts, data, and logic. It's tempting, even validating, to dig your heels in and proudly assert your position, as if you were the ultimate arbiter of truth.

If you're familiar with the passage above, you'll recognize that Jesus was addressing an expert of the law—an individual consumed with the pursuit of righteousness through legalism rather than embracing God’s love, grace, and mercy. However, I'm not advocating for passivity. Instead, I urge you to consider the true consequences of self-righteousness: Judgment, division, resentment, bitterness, and anger. After all, it was the self-righteous leaders who demanded Jesus's crucifixion. When we witness these negative outcomes, it becomes clear that our fixation on being right is the work of the Enemy and our own flesh.

Rather than pursuing a relentless need to prove ourselves right, I encourage you to prioritize the qualities of the Spirit and cultivate a nurturing environment for your partner by seeking understanding before demanding to be understood. Research has shown consistently that couples who practice active listening, validate each other's feelings, and demonstrate empathy are more likely to resolve conflicts constructively and experience greater relationship satisfaction over time. Let’s respond intentionally, guided by the Holy Spirit rather than succumbing to the whims of our own impulses. Remember, your partner is fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14); they are not your enemy but your ally. Through fostering compassion, vulnerability, and authenticity in our interactions, we can nurture healthier and more fulfilling relationships:

But I say, walk habitually in the [Holy] Spirit [seek Him and be responsive to His guidance], and then you will certainly not carry out the desire of the sinful nature [which responds impulsively without regard for God and His precepts]. For the sinful nature has its desire which is opposed to the Spirit, and the [desire of the] Spirit opposes the sinful nature; for these [two, the sinful nature and the Spirit] are in direct opposition to each other [continually in conflict], so that you [as believers] do not [always] do whatever [good things] you want to do. But if you are guided and led by the Spirit, you are not subject to the Law. Now the practices of the sinful nature are clearly evident: they are sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality (total irresponsibility, lack of self-control), idolatry, sorcery, hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions [that promote heresies], envy, drunkenness, riotous behavior, and other things like these. I warn you beforehand, just as I did previously, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature together with its passions and appetites. If we [claim to] live by the [Holy] Spirit, we must also walk by the Spirit [with personal integrity, godly character, and moral courage—our conduct empowered by the Holy Spirit]. We must not become conceited, challenging or provoking one another, envying one another.

Galatians 5:16-26 (AMP)

For two decades, I’ve witnessed beautiful transformations and breakthroughs in couples when they refocus their priorities from “being right” to first demonstrating love and grace toward one another. I hope this encourages you to take a moment to breathe and reflect the next time you find your partner and yourself stuck in this cycle. Ponder what matters most: Is it right to love or to “be right”?  

If you are experiencing obstacles in your relationship, talking to a clinically trained counselor may help. Sandra Lee Christian Counseling would love to help you process your challenges individually or as a couple. We are here to help and walk through this journey together.

*If you have any concerns about abuse, please don’t hesitate to seek help. Visit https://www.thehotline.org for free, confidential, and 24/7 access to resources and support.

www.sandraleecounseling.com

Insecurities

Hello! I hope you've been dwelling in the Truth as we explored last week about the "Living Word." I'm grateful for the opportunity to journey together through the complexities of life and faith.

In our walk through life, we often find ourselves grappling with insecurities that seem to clutch at the very fabric of our being. These insecurities often stem from past hurts and wounds that have etched themselves deep into our souls.

The Enemy, ever cunning and relentless, seeks to twist God's good gifts into tools of destruction against us (John 10:10). Take, for example, the gift of excellence. What starts as a noble pursuit of doing our best can morph into a crippling perfectionism, where every flaw is magnified, and every failure feels like the end of the world. Similarly, the gift of generosity can be twisted into a desperate need for validation from others, as we strive to earn love and acceptance through our actions.

These insecurities don't just linger in the background of our lives; they hijack our thoughts, feelings, and relationships, steering them off course. They whisper lies into our ears, telling us we're not good enough, not worthy of love, not deserving of happiness. Before we know it, these whispers become deafening screams, drowning out the truth and beauty that surround us. In our vulnerability, we often find ourselves becoming defensive, prideful, disappointed, easily angered, and pushing people away. This leads to a negative and unhealthy cycle where we feel hurt and inadvertently hurt others, exacerbating our own insecurities and those of others, echoing the painful truth: “Hurt people hurt people.”

But there is hope even in the midst of our deepest insecurities. For we serve a God who sees us, truly sees us, and loves us unconditionally. In Jeremiah 29:11, He promises us plans for a future filled with hope and purpose, plans that are not derailed by our insecurities or shortcomings. And in Psalms 139:14, we are reminded that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, each of us a masterpiece crafted by the hands of our Creator.

So how do we break free from the grip of insecurities and embrace the truth of who we are in Christ? It begins with an intentional decision to turn our thoughts toward God's Truth, discerning the Enemy's lies, and through prayer and worship, clinging to His promises and His love for us.

Throughout the Bible, we encounter individuals who faced and overcame their insecurities. From Abraham's unbelief to Paul's struggles with his past, God gently reminded them of His sovereignty and power. These insecure individuals were used mightily to glorify Him, their stories serving as powerful testimonies to His transformative grace and His covenant with them.

In our journey to overcome insecurities, it's essential to recognize that we're not alone in our struggles. Many of the heroes of faith in the Bible faced similar battles, wrestling with doubts, fears, and feelings of inadequacy. Their stories remind us that insecurity is a universal human experience because we are meant to rely on God for everything; we were never designed to navigate life alone in our own strength. It is through acknowledging our vulnerabilities and turning to God that we discover His sufficiency. Insecurity, then, becomes a catalyst for growth and transformation when we surrender our weaknesses to Him and allow His strength to work through us (2 Corinthians 12:9).

As we journey together through the highs and lows of life, may we never lose sight of the truth that sets us free. Our insecurities may run deep, but they are no match for the transformative power of God's love and grace. I encourage you to surround yourself with a community of believers who can speak life and accountability into your journey. Consider seeking out Christian counseling where you can explore your insecurities in a safe and nurturing environment.

So let us fix our eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of our faith, and trust in His promises for our lives. For in Him, we find our true identity and worth, secure in the knowledge that we are loved beyond measure.

www.sandraleecounseling.com

Living Word

In the midst of life's storms, where do we find our anchor? How do we navigate the uncertainties and challenges that seem to surround us? These are questions that often bring individuals and couples to the doorstep of counseling, seeking solace and guidance. In this journey toward healing and wholeness, the Bible emerges as our true north, a beacon of hope illuminating the path with its eternal wisdom and truths.

At the heart of the Christian faith lies the concept of God's sovereignty—a term that encapsulates His supreme authority, power, and control over all creation. But what does sovereignty truly mean, and why is it relevant to our lives, especially in the context of counseling?

Sovereignty, in its essence, speaks to the absolute reign of God over the universe. It means that nothing happens outside of God's knowledge, will, or control. In the face of life's uncertainties and trials, acknowledging God's sovereignty invites us to trust in His wisdom and goodness, even when circumstances appear bleak. It reassures us that God is not merely an observer but an active participant in our lives, working all things together for our ultimate good.

In the realm of mental health and well-being, research has increasingly recognized the profound impact of engaging with the Bible on individuals' psychological resilience and overall sense of well-being. Studies have shown that regular reading of the Bible is associated with reduced levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, while also fostering greater levels of resilience and coping skills.

But how does engaging with the Bible facilitate this transformation? It begins with the recognition of God's sovereignty as a foundational truth woven throughout Scripture. As we immerse ourselves in its pages, we encounter God's faithfulness, provision, and deliverance amidst the most challenging circumstances. We see how people like Abraham, Moses, Jacob, Joseph, Rahab, David, Mary Magdalene, Peter, and Paul—each deeply flawed and broken—were used mightily by God for His purposes.

Through the lens of Scripture, we are invited to reframe our perspective on life's trials, viewing them not only as opportunities for growth and refinement but also recognizing that they can be mysterious to us, as God is not limited to our own understanding. This acknowledgment opens us to the profound reality that God's ways are higher than ours, and His plans often unfold in ways that surpass our comprehension.

Moreover, engaging with the Bible fosters a deeper sense of connection with God—a relationship characterized by intimacy, trust, and dependency. As we meditate on Scripture, we are reminded of God's unfailing love, His faithfulness to His promises, and His sovereign ability to redeem even the most broken aspects of our lives.

In the Christian counseling journey, the Bible serves as a powerful tool for healing and transformation—a source of hope and comfort that transcends human understanding. It reminds us that our stories are part of a larger narrative—one in which God's sovereignty reigns supreme, guiding us through the darkest valleys and leading us into the light of His presence.

As you embark on your journey of healing and growth, may you find hope and assurance in the sovereignty of God, trusting that He who holds the universe in His hands is also intimately concerned with every detail of your life. And may the words of Scripture be a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path, guiding you toward wholeness and restoration.

Resources like "The Bible Recap," a 365-day Bible reading plan and podcast, can be invaluable companions on this journey, providing structure and guidance as you immerse yourself in the transformative truths of Scripture.

www.sandraleecounseling.com

Breath

As we continue to reflect on the Easter season, let's pause to recognize how breathing signifies the gift of life from God.

The act of breathing holds profound significance. From the very beginning, when God breathed life into Adam (Genesis 2:7), to the moments of Jesus' final breath on the cross (Luke 23:46), our breath is intertwined with the essence of existence.

In Psalm 150, we are reminded, "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord." This verse emphasizes the sacred connection between our breath and our praise to God.

In the New Testament, Jesus breathed the Holy Spirit onto his disciples, signifying a connection to God (John 20:21-22). This act highlights the intimate relationship between breath, life, and our connection to God.

Every breath is a sacred reminder of our connection to God and the gift of life He has given us. Jesus died for our sins, bridging the gap between us and God, offering forgiveness and eternal life. His resurrection signifies victory over death, ensuring hope and new life for all who believe. So let's breathe deeply, with gratitude for this precious gift, and find meaning in every inhale and exhale, knowing that each breath signifies life and death, just as it did for Jesus on the cross.

In my recent blog post, I discussed the importance of keeping our thoughts captive and using guided meditation as a tool for mental well-being. Guided meditation often incorporates deep breathing exercises, which help us focus our minds and center our thoughts.

While the Easter season may have passed, the message of renewal and hope it brings can still inspire us to cultivate practices that nurture our connection with God. So, as we journey forward, let's remember the gift of breath and the simple yet profound act of deep breathing, allowing it to guide us toward an ever-deepening relationship with our Creator.

May each breath remind us of the sacredness of life and the intimate connection we share with God.

www.sandraleecounseling.com

Anxiety

Have you ever stopped to consider how worries and anxiety impact our physical and mental health? They go beyond affecting just our productivity and contentment. They can disrupt our sleep, cause gastrointestinal issues, raise stress levels, and even contribute to cardiovascular problems. From weakened immunity to feelings of depression and panic attacks, worries and anxiety can create an overall sense of dissatisfaction in our lives.

In Philippians 4, we're reminded of the power of trusting in God amidst our worries. Verse 6 urges us, 'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.' This verse encourages us to bring our worries to God in prayer, trusting in His faithfulness to provide peace and comfort.

Similarly, in 2 Corinthians 10:5, we're instructed to 'take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.' I love the quote that says, “Don’t tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is,” (Luke 8:22-25). It's a powerful reminder to shift our focus from our worries to the greatness of God, acknowledging His sovereignty over every situation.

To support our journey from worry to faith, consider incorporating practices like guided meditation. Resources like the Abide and Dwell apps offer guided meditations rooted in Scripture, providing a peaceful space to connect with God and find renewal in His presence.

Let's make a conscious effort to shift our focus from worry to faith, knowing that God is greater than our fears. Through prayer, gratitude, and trust in His promises, we can find peace amidst life's uncertainties.

#FaithOverFear #TrustInGod #Peace #Philippians4 #Prayer #Meditation #Anxiety #ChristianCounseling

www.sandraleecounseling.com

Gratitude

As a licensed therapist and a Christian counselor, I love seeing how evidenced-based research aligns with what Scripture has been teaching us all along. Did you know that practicing gratitude can lead to greater happiness and well-being, regardless of the circumstances we may face? Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reveals that counting our blessings can significantly impact our overall happiness levels.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, we're reminded to "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." This verse underscores the importance of gratitude in our daily lives, regardless of the circumstances we face.

By focusing on the things we're thankful for, we can cultivate a positive mindset and experience greater joy. So let's take a moment today to reflect on our blessings and express gratitude for the abundance of goodness in our lives.

What are 5 things you're grateful for today? #Gratitude #Happiness #BiblicalWisdom #1Thessalonians518

www.sandraleecounseling.com