Collision of Grace and Truth: A Christian Response to Hatred

The brutal murder of Christian evangelist Charlie Kirk this past week has left a heavy weight on my heart. As a Christian counselor, I’ve wrestled with the flood of reactions—some filled with extraordinary grief, others with disagreement over his politics, and, most disturbingly, a growing chorus of voices justifying or even celebrating his death. While political differences are real, what troubles me most is not policy debates but the dangerous trend of cloaking hatred in the guise of righteousness or redefining love to suit cultural whims.

As I processed these events, I felt a deep conviction: silence is not an option. As believers, we cannot stand by as lukewarm bystanders—neither hot nor cold in our faith (Revelation 3:16)—when hatred masquerades as virtue or when the world distorts love beyond recognition. Scripture calls us to embody both grace and truth, just as Jesus did, speaking with compassion while holding fast to God’s call to be holy, set apart from the world (1 Peter 1:15–16).

The Tension of Grace and Truth

Our culture often defines “love” as unconditional affirmation, prioritizing inclusivity over truth. But this is not the love Jesus modeled. In John 1:14, we see that Jesus came “full of grace and truth,” a perfect balance that neither compromises God’s holiness nor withholds His mercy. To understand this balance, we must first grasp God’s holiness, a concept rooted deeply in the Old Testament.

God’s holiness means He is perfectly pure, set apart from all sin. In the Old Testament, this holiness was so profound that sinners feared approaching God, knowing uncleansed sin in His presence meant death. For example, when God appeared to Moses in the burning bush (Exodus 3:5–6), Moses was told to remove his sandals because the ground was holy, and he hid his face in fear. In Leviticus 16, the high priest could only enter the Holy of Holies once a year, after meticulous purification rituals, because God’s holy presence demanded perfection (Leviticus 16:2). Without grace, none of us could stand before such a God, for “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Yet, without truth, grace becomes a hollow gesture, devoid of the transformative power that calls us to holiness. Grace and truth together protect us, shielding us from God’s righteous judgment while guiding us to live as His redeemed people.

Jesus Himself said in Matthew 10:34, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” This “sword” is not a call to violence but a recognition that truth divides, separating light from darkness, holiness from sin. Luke 12:51–53 echoes this, noting that even families may divide over devotion to Christ. This isn’t a call to shun or hate but a reminder that following Jesus demands unwavering allegiance to His truth.

Yet, Jesus never distanced Himself from sinners. He dined with tax collectors and spoke with outcasts, offering grace to those who repented (Luke 5:31–32). He extended mercy without excusing sin, as seen in His words to the woman caught in adultery: “Neither do I condemn you… go, and from now on sin no more” (John 8:11). This balance is critical today, as some believers misuse “grace” to justify sin or silence truth-tellers. The Enemy has always twisted God’s words, from “Did God really say…?” in Genesis 3:1 to modern distortions that disguise pride, bitterness, or idolatry as virtues.

Jesus and the Offense of Truth

Jesus’ commitment to truth often offended the religious leaders of His day, leading to their persecution of Him. He challenged their legalism and hypocrisy, exposing their failure to live out God’s heart. In Matthew 23, Jesus boldly confronted the Pharisees, calling them “whitewashed tombs” for their outward righteousness but inward corruption (Matthew 23:27–28). He criticized their obsession with rules while neglecting justice, mercy, and faithfulness (Matthew 23:23). His actions—like healing on the Sabbath (Mark 3:1–6) or dining with sinners (Mark 2:15–17)—defied their traditions, revealing their pride and prompting their fury. This offense culminated in their plot to crucify Him, not because He was wrong, but because His truth exposed their sin. As Christians, we must recognize that speaking truth, like Jesus, may provoke opposition, yet we are called to do so with grace.

The Need for Biblical Discernment

We live in a time when even well-meaning intentions—like pursuing unity or justice—can be hijacked by deception if not grounded in Scripture. Emotions and feelings are God-given and can be incredibly valuable in navigating life and relationships. God Himself expresses emotions, such as righteous anger at injustice (Psalm 7:11) or compassion for His people (Isaiah 54:8). Emotional intelligence—understanding and responding to our own and others’ feelings—helps us build relationships, show compassion to those who are hurting, and reflect Christ’s love in our interactions. For example, Jesus wept over Jerusalem’s rejection of Him (Luke 19:41), showing His deep emotional connection to humanity.

However, when emotions like fear or pride are not grounded in faith, they become vulnerable to the Enemy’s influence. Fear can lead us to compromise truth for a sense of safety, while pride can fuel self-righteousness or selfish division. Without God’s Word, our emotions can deceive us, as Jeremiah 17:9 warns: “The heart is deceitful above all things.” The Enemy exploits unguarded emotions, twisting them to justify hatred or silence truth. As a counselor, I’ve seen how easily hearts drift when we rely on feelings or cultural trends instead of the Bible’s unchanging standard. The Holy Spirit guides us into all truth (John 16:13), empowering us to discern God’s voice amidst the noise.

This is why I encourage engaging with resources like The Bible Recap, which offers a 92-day journey through the New Testament starting this October, alongside 365-day options for the full Bible. Reading Scripture in its entirety anchors us in God’s heart, equipping us to navigate a world filled with competing voices and to steward our emotions in a way that honors Christ.

Redemption, Not Rejection

Scripture shows that God doesn’t wait for perfect people. King David, described as “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14; Acts 13:22), was an adulterer and murderer (2 Samuel 11). Even on his deathbed, he remained flawed, yet God used him to bring mercy to generations because of his repentance and faith. Peter denied Jesus three times (Luke 22:54–62). Paul persecuted and murdered Christians before becoming a pivotal apostle (Acts 9). These deeply flawed individuals were transformed by God’s grace because they turned to Him through faith.

Our culture has embraced a pervasive evil of vilifying, hating, and dehumanizing those who disagree, often demonizing them as irredeemable based on their opinions or actions. This stands in stark opposition to God’s heart. Scripture teaches that all people are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), and hating others is akin to murder in the heart (Matthew 5:21–22). We cannot claim to love God while hating our brother (1 John 4:20). God’s heart is for reconciliation and redemption, not division or destruction (2 Corinthians 5:18–19), and He desires all to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9), taking no pleasure in the death of the wicked but calling them to turn from sin (Ezekiel 33:11). We are called to overcome this evil with good (Romans 12:21). God’s redeeming grace, offered through Christ’s sacrifice (Ephesians 2:8–9), transforms lives, but it requires a repentant heart and faith to receive it (Acts 3:19; Romans 10:9–10).

To dismiss someone’s entire ministry, or worse, to justify their death because of past sins or offensive opinions, is to reject God’s transformative power of redemption. The Enemy exploits this division led by pride and fear, fueling hatred and justifying rage under the banner of righteousness. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against… spiritual forces of evil.” We are not to judge or curse others, for God alone is the ultimate judge (Romans 12:19; James 4:12). Before joining the chorus of condemnation, we must ask: How can I embody Christ’s redeeming grace and truth to confront the vilification and hatred of those I disagree with, leading them toward repentance and faith in Him? This might mean listening with compassion to understand their perspective, sharing the gospel with humility, or praying for their hearts to soften toward Christ. Our call is not to curse or condemn those who oppose us but to seek their redemption, reflecting Christ’s love even in disagreement.

Truth That Heals

Like a dentist addressing a decaying tooth, truth can cause discomfort before it heals. No one cancels a dentist for doing their job, yet we often despise those who speak God’s truth with grace. Healing requires both—the courage to confront sin and the compassion to point people to Christ’s redemption. As Christians, we must reject the reckless boldness of outrage culture and embrace the courageous boldness of speaking truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

Jesus calls us to a radical love: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). In the face of hatred or celebration of this tragedy, let us pray for those who oppose us—not to condone their actions but to seek their redemption, as Christ did for us.

A Reflection Checklist for Discernment

To navigate these turbulent times, here’s a practical checklist to guide your response:

1. Am I reacting out of anger or godly sorrow that leads to repentance? (2 Corinthians 7:10)

2. Does my response reflect the fruit of the Spirit or the works of the flesh? (Galatians 5:19–23)

3. Am I honoring the image of God in this person and trusting Him as the ultimate judge, even in disagreement? (Genesis 1:27; Romans 12:19; James 4:12)

4. How can I embody Christ’s redeeming grace and truth to confront the vilification and hatred of those I disagree with, leading them toward repentance and faith in Him? (Matthew 5:44)

5. Have I prayed for wisdom and searched God’s Word before speaking or sharing? (James 1:5; Psalm 119:105)

Processing these questions can be overwhelming alone. I encourage you to discuss them with a trusted small group or mentor, as the Body of Christ is designed to sharpen and support one another (Proverbs 27:17).

A Call to Boldness and Compassion

Silence in the face of deception is not humility; it is lukewarmness, which Jesus warns against (Revelation 3:16). As Christians, we are called to more—to be discerning, to know God’s Word, to resist the Enemy’s schemes, and to live with both grace and truth. Our goal is not to win arguments or fuel division but to reflect the heart of Christ, whose love transforms lives without compromising holiness.

Let us commit to praying for wisdom, immersing ourselves in Scripture, and speaking with boldness tempered by compassion. In a world desperate for truth and grace, may we be a light that points others not to our opinions or outrage but to the redeeming love of Jesus Christ.

www.sandraleecounseling.com

Black-and-White Thinking: Good or Bad?

Black-and-white thinking, also known as dichotomous or all-or-nothing thinking, involves seeing situations in extreme terms—either something is entirely good or entirely bad, right or wrong, with no middle ground. While this mindset can provide a sense of certainty, it often oversimplifies complex situations, relationships, and moral issues, leading to rigid judgments, unrealistic expectations, and unnecessary conflicts.

Engaging with multiple viewpoints may seem paradoxical when seeking the most accurate and correct truth, but it actually sharpens our understanding. By considering differing perspectives, we uncover blind spots, challenge biases, and gain a fuller picture of reality. This process refines our grasp of the Truth, helping us move beyond skewed views and biases to embrace the complexity of the world.

In today’s culture, black-and-white thinking has become increasingly common, especially when discussing values, faith, and politics. Society often demands that we take extreme sides, with little room for nuance. You're either completely in agreement or in full opposition. This "us vs. them" mindset can lead to villainizing those who may not fully agree with us, leaving little space for humility, conversation, or complexity.

If you've ever engaged in this type of thinking, please don't feel ashamed. As I discussed in my previous post on shame vs. conviction, there's a distinction between feeling burdened by shame and being gently convicted to grow in grace. Black-and-white thinking is something we all experience at times—what matters is how we move forward once we recognize it.

The Useful Effect of Black-and-White Thinking

When used in the right context, black-and-white thinking can be helpful, especially in high-stakes or dangerous environments where quick decisions are necessary for survival. For example, in the face of immediate danger, our minds naturally shift into all-or-nothing mode, categorizing things as "safe" or "unsafe" to help us act swiftly and avoid harm. This binary thinking keeps our brains efficient when urgent responses are needed.

While useful in moments of danger, this thinking can become maladaptive when applied to everyday life, particularly in social, relational, or moral contexts.

The Detrimental Effect of Black-and-White Thinking

In counseling, black-and-white thinking is often associated with cognitive distortions that contribute to trauma, anxiety, depression, and interpersonal conflicts. Decades of evidence-based studies demonstrate that black-and-white thinking often leads to heightened anxiety, deeper depressive symptoms, impaired emotional regulation in trauma survivors, and unstable relationships, particularly in those with personality disorders, as it limits the ability to navigate the nuanced realities of life. Individuals who fall into this mindset may struggle to find compromise, show humility and grace, or offer understanding when they or others fall short of perfection. This rigidity can lead to isolation and conflict, especially when fueled by confirmation bias—where people seek out information that confirms their existing beliefs while rejecting anything that challenges them. This narrowing of perspective reinforces the idea that one's initial judgments are correct and breeds more hostility and division.

For those who have experienced anxiety or trauma, black-and-white thinking often serves as a survival mechanism. When someone endures significant stressors, their brain may develop this binary mindset to protect them from further harm. The world becomes split into safe vs. unsafe, trustworthy vs. untrustworthy, good vs. bad. While this response may have been necessary during their experience, it becomes harmful when carried into everyday situations. Instead of providing safety, it limits a person’s ability to engage fully in relationships, resolve conflicts, and navigate life's complexities.

A biblical example of black-and-white thinking is seen when Jesus calmed the storm while His disciples were on the boat (Mark 4:35-41). In the midst of the storm, the disciples, overwhelmed with fear, accused Jesus of not caring for their safety: "Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?" (Mark 4:38). Their utter fear and perception of unsafety led them to think in extremes—that either Jesus was going to wake up and rescue them, or He didn’t care at all. Jesus, of course, calms the storm and questions their faith, reminding them that their fear-driven assumptions distorted their narrative of His care and presence.

The Rampant Effect of Confirmation Bias in Today’s Culture

In the realm of faith, we are asked to become more and more like Jesus, who, fully God and fully human, humbled Himself before God, demonstrating sacrificial love through grace and Truth. However, black-and-white thinking can lead to judgmentalism and spiritual arrogance. People may assume they alone hold the Truth, dismissing others with differing interpretations as completely wrong. This mindset fosters an environment of exclusion and cuts off opportunities for grace and unity. When convinced of holding the only "right" perspective, individuals often fall prey to confirmation bias, seeking out only the information that reinforces their beliefs while ignoring or rejecting anything that challenges them. This reinforces their sense of righteousness while blinding them to other perspectives, making respectful dialogue and empathy nearly impossible. In turn, this causes fractured relationships, loss of community, and stunts spiritual growth.

In marriage, black-and-white thinking can lead to unrealistic expectations. A spouse struggling in one area might be viewed as entirely failing, leading to resentment, bitterness, and isolation. This, too, is often fueled by confirmation bias, where one partner focuses solely on their spouse's shortcomings, reinforcing their belief that their partner is "failing." This narrow perspective prevents the grace, patience, and commitment necessary for couples to grow together, leaving little room for the nuanced work of reconciliation and mutual support.

Similarly, in politics, black-and-white thinking exacerbates divisions. Polarized political debates often reduce complex issues to simple, binary choices, where differing views are seen as either entirely right or entirely wrong. This reductionism is magnified by confirmation bias, as individuals align themselves with the information and groups that validate their existing beliefs. It deepens societal divides and eliminates the possibility for understanding, compromise, or even respectful disagreement. In this climate, nuanced conversations become rare, and opportunities for bridging differences are lost.

Scripture’s Call for Balance: Humility, Grace, and Truth

Amid this cultural and political division, Scripture provides a different path. While black-and-white thinking can serve a purpose in moments of danger, Scripture calls us to embrace a balance of humility, grace, and Truth. Ecclesiastes 7:18 tells us, "It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes." This verse encourages us to reject extremes and recognize the complexity of God’s will, understanding that only God holds the Truth. We can’t fathom the fullness of His sovereignty, and we are called to trust Him rather than oversimplifying the Truth.

In the book of Job, we see God rebuke Job’s friends for their misguided counsel and narrow judgment, as they assumed, "You must have sinned to have everything taken away, including your health." Through this, God reminds Job of His infinite wisdom and plans (Job 38-40). Their attempts to simplify Job’s suffering into black-and-white categories revealed their shortsightedness.

Additionally, the Truth is often manipulated to fit black-and-white narratives. For example, some may assume that if God is all about love, His Truth should never offend or challenge them. We see a similar situation in Jeremiah's time, where false prophets offered soothing yet deceitful messages that contradicted God’s more challenging but necessary Truth (Jeremiah 23). Jeremiah warns us against reshaping God into something simple, comfortable, or aligned with our personal preferences.

Likewise, the apostle Paul echoes this call for grace and humility in Romans 14:1-4, reminding us to accept differences without passing judgment on disputable matters. We are not the final judges of others’ hearts or actions. Quick judgments and rigid thinking fall into the same traps of all-or-nothing thinking, leading to spiritual division and harm. Similarly, James 1:19-20 urges us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry," emphasizing a patient, measured approach over snap judgments.

Overcoming Black-and-White Thinking for Deep Healing

For those who struggle with black-and-white thinking—especially those for whom it served as a survival mechanism—healing begins with recognizing that not everything is as simple as it seems. Relationships, moral issues, and spiritual growth are full of gray areas that require humility, wisdom, and discernment. As we walk with Christ, we are invited to move beyond rigid categories and into the freedom of grace and Truth.

The danger of black-and-white thinking is that it limits our ability to offer and receive grace. When we view people or issues as entirely good or entirely bad, we miss out on the complexity of God’s creation, where both grace and Truth coexist. This is where deep healing can occur—when we learn to hold both sides, showing compassion without compromising the Truth, and extending grace without losing our convictions.

We are asked to become more like Jesus instead of justifying our sinful nature. We are asked to move through spiritual maturity in unity by actively listening to each other, stretching our compassion and narratives to discern the real Enemy, and seeing each other as beautiful creations of God in awe and wonder.

To break free from this trap, it’s essential to engage in thoughtful reflection. Remember the last time you were in extreme disagreement with someone. Have you sought to understand their point of view with sincere curiosity before trying to convince them they are wrong? Are you actively listening? Are you checking if you are using any confirmation bias? Are you seeking God through prayer and Scripture to open your heart, mind, and soul to clearly discern the Truth? How are you demonstrating humility and grace to the other person?

In today’s divisive and hostile climate, let us be mindful of the call to humility, grace, and Truth. May we seek wisdom from God to avoid the pitfalls of all-or-nothing thinking and embrace the fuller, more complex reality He calls us into.

www.sandraleecounseling.com